Sickness

I live in silence
yet my world is deafening
I exist alone
yet am surrounded by the hounding presence
of those that love.

Their love burns
and blisters
I turn my face from their tears
so as they cannot see mine gleam as well
And I shy away from their touch
only to find that they cower from mine.

I am a beacon of spirit
yet am crushed beneath the shadows of my sickness
the sickness that shuns the morning light
yet cries out when the moon glistens in the nights sky
constantly the pain is etched across my brow
but none dare to notice
as they dare not notice the slipping of my soul into the black abyss
the aching of my soul.

I cry out in the fervent night
when the darkened creatures show their beauty
beneath the night's starry hide
but I know none will hear me.

For I only cry within myself
and cast an emotionless gaze for the rest of the world to see.

It is my mask
and my curse to suffer in silence
while others go about in the wonders of life.

I am stuck in the shadows
alone,cold, barely breathing as the pain erupts
reminding me of the scars
from the pain i have endured over the years
reminding me
and telling me
laughing at me.

it is a message
it is my destiny
a destiny to be...
to be at one with the darkness

For never will you leave its comfort
its prison
you are but a slave to your pain
and are dead in a live body
and this is how it shall be
until the end

-Antya

...or is it being driven by someone else

Sometimes one feels that the journey of life that they are on.
Is not going the way they want it to.
It seems to be going out of control
Making one anxious every step of the way.
Making one frustrated every sec of the day
Making one wait to go out of the way
For trying to figure out what can get life back on track.
But no matter how hard one tries,
One just can’t find reason for all this mental-chaos,
The fight with your own conscience,
The uncertainty that clouds ones decisions,
The relentless war with your spiritual self,
The battle of conscious vs sub-conscious mind,
All of this just doesn't seem to cease within.

When one feels that life is going out of control,
One doesn't need to look for answers anywhere else,
It’s all hidden deeper within.
How can this anxiety, frustration, restlessness be removed?
The truth everyone ends up ignoring is that,
At these moments, lifes actually not being driven by you,
You are that pillion, who feels he trusts the rider,
But ends up being uncertain and anxious all along,
Every mistake the rider makes,
It makes you regret your decision all the more,

You are that pillion, who is neither invincible nor unbreakable,
Who instead of enjoying the cruise coupled with beautiful sights on both the sides of the road,
Ends up being tensed and terrified all along,
Every mistake the rider makes,
It makes you want to end this journey as quickly as possible.

All one needs to do to be content and satisfied of this journey of life,
Is to become the rider,
Cruise smoothly through the journey,
Savour each and every moment of it,
Relish each and every ups and downs,
After all, it’s you who's driving it.

When one feels that the journey of life that they are on.
Is not going the way they want it to.
When one feels that life is going out of control,
All one needs to do to do is
To go in deeper layers of own self,
Connect spritually to one self, find peace and solace.
The journey of life then will seem all the more interesting and satisfying!

So, all one needs to ask oneself is,
Are you driving your life or is it being driven by someone else!

-Antya