Customer Care and Territorial Pissings

I had this cell, which is of a make that’s made by this company that’s famous for making sturdy, durable, brick-like cells except that they sort of let that reputation go once they shifted to color-monitor mode. Anyways my cell was one of those color monitored dainty things that got all ill in case of a rain.

Heck, this is leading nowhere, the cell was a Nokia 3230 and the only point driven so far being, the cell WAS and not IS.

We guys went on a trip to Bhimashanker, which is this hill amongst the clouds where it generally rains and we went there in the rainy season. Cell got wet and hasn’t started up ever since.

Went to the local Nokia dealer as the main one in the city was like an anthill with all customers all over the place. The local dude was one of those who deserve a paragraph.

Local Dude:
He was real unfriendly, and one of those characters you meet who seems to hate everybody who’s from out of town. Bloody sadist. Anyways, he takes my cell, chucks it into one of the drawers in his tables and starts conversing with the next client, I had to bloody interrupt him to get my form filled and had to do most of it myself. Add to that, he chew pan and makes it a point to tell everybody that he handles a hundred cases a day and is hence a big guy.

Anyways, my entire transaction with that lousy peasant was over 4 phases and a showdown.

The first time, I called 3 days after giving them my cell (he’s promised to get it done or call me in 2 days’ time) and he tells me that it might cost me a tad more than the 450 bucks estimate they had initially churned up. The tad was about a grand, so a total of about 1400-1500 (they’re not exactly good in arithmetic). The best part was, they figured out that it might cost me more than expected and hence did nothing about it. Anyways, I tell them to PLEASE inform me the next time anything turns up and also that cash isn’t an issue, as I need my cell desperately and as soon as possible.

The second phase was 3 days after that and this time they’d figured out that they might not be able to repair it in that small joint of theirs and might have to send it to the main joint in town. Now they didn’t know whether to send it over or probably just try repairing it in house. So they decided to go to the third alternative, which was to sleep over the problem and hope it auto-fixes.
I told them to bloody send it and again that cash isn’t an issue and for God’s sake, PLEASE PLEASE let me know in case on ANY development. And they told me that they’ll try some crap out and if not possible, will send it to the main joint, and will let me know in any case in 2 days’ time.

Note: All this happened whilst I didn’t have a house and was riding all around town in those rains.

Third phase. The only time they weren’t absolute morons. I called them and they told me that they’d sent the piece over and also were willing to lend me a stand-by piece if I took the trouble of coming over. Well, in his lingo, it was more like “get here and take it, now that you ask for it you son of a @#@#$ outsider”.
They told me that it should be done in 15 days’ time for sure. Considering cash isn’t an issue and it’s going to the main joint where they can replace every part of the piece if they feel like it.

Well I needed a cell like crazy and had to agree to whatever they offered and ended up with a real pathetic old brick. What’s worse the 3 button didn’t work and 9 and 0 were a little hard to use.

Can you imagine 3 not working!!! That button has ‘E’ in it and ‘E’ in the most commonly used alphabet in English. That was horrible I tell you.

Fourth phase. I call them 20 days later and he tells me with a smirk that the main office can’t repair the rotten thing and that I can return that jalopy they provided me with in exchange for my fantastic cell with camera, Bluetooth, player etc etc except that the fantastic piece doesn’t work.
Yeah I didn’t get the humor there and was damn near boiling point to really acknowledge jokes from the friggin peasant, especially with the joke being on me.

There’s me without a house to stay in, with the bloody 16 hrs a day work schedules and having to deal with all this. It’s bloody sacrilege.

The showdown. I pull Viru paaji (who’s damn good at handling such bloodsuckers and is also from around here and speaks the local lingo) along and head straight to the joint all fuming and all.

Open the conversation with “I’m the guy who questioned your morals, lineage and basic manners on the phone a short while ago, now you wanted to talk to face to face (he pronounced it pphase and I did it too, just to get him annoyed), well, here I am, in your face and way taller”

Yeah everything (except the lineage part) is true and I had had a nice cozy chat with him on the phone before going there.

He tried being cool and all and asked us to sit down, which was not required as we were already seated.
He asked us for the job sheet (crappy jargon for a bloody piece of paper with nothing relevant printed on it), now like I said, Viru is damn good at this stuff. He waves it at the moron from a distance and doesn’t let him touch it.

This helped our cause in 3 ways.
1) He couldn’t tear the sheet to pieces or anything
2) It reminded me of the times I used to wave a biscuit at my dog and make it shake its head. Got me to cool down a bit.
3) The dealer got to know that we meant business this time.

Viru starts off in the local lingo to show that we really really meant business. I don’t know most of what they said, but the gist was Viru telling him that the treatment meted out on me wasn’t fair, and him telling that he couldn’t do anything about it, and Viru telling him that he should’ve at least called and let me know and him telling “It’s happened in the past, it’s alright, forget it”

This is where I entered the conv.

I mean how can HE forgive ME for him not having called me up… Also he’d given me this past line quite a few times already.

I told him that.

He goes,
“What can we do now sir?”
Me: “What can you do? Well you could give me my cell back and I leave and return this brick you’ve given me when I get my cell repaired or when I feel like it”
He: “No that’s not possible, you have to return the cell”
Me: “No to your no, I’m going to keep this as I need a cell even though it’s pathetic”

What follows actually happened. No kiddin’

He: “Hello, I gave you the stand-by out of courtesy”
Me: “Courtesy? You? Explain…”

He actually went on to explain… whadda moron

He: “I didn’t need to give you the cell, but I felt I should help you, so…informally…”
Me: “In which case, why did you informally write the battery number, model number and that other identification number on the job sheet” (couldn’t remember the abbreviation then, still can’t).
He: “That’s for my safety, I could use the entry made…” (attempted threat)
I waved my hand around like a teacher does when drawing attention to himself
Me: “Let’s think logically, how can you use something that YOU have written in a sheet that I am holding against me?”
He: “I can use it” (utterly confused)
Me: “No, you didn’t get my question right… I asked you HOW can you use it, not if you can use it or not”
He: “eh? I can use it…” (stunned as well)

The crowd was having a blast out there. This was free entertainment.

Me: “How How… that’s the keyword, How can you use it?”
He: “aaah?? Gargle gargle glug gik bark Nick Carter” (and other such garbage)
Me: (I swear I said this, Viru was there trying real hard not to laugh) “Here, read my lips (pointed at my mouth) HOW HOOOW, how can you?”
He: “gargle gargle why?”
Me: “I’m getting tired of this, can you or can’t you answer this? How…”
He: (finally regained some semblance of sanity) “wh… wh… why?”
Me: “Nevermind that, why didn’t you even call me?”
He: “phew… I have a 100 customers everyday, I’m a big shot” (he was real relieved)
Me: “So?” (I was big time tempted to tell him that my client serves a big part of a country and hence I do so in a way)
He: “Sir, that’s in the past… Forget it”
Me: “Yeah, quit talking about fogetting the past, else I’ll be a big part of your future and you won’t like it”
He went about his usual “I don’t know what to say now, so let me imitate a fish” mode.

Viru who’d been having a healthy laugh all this while pops in and asks him if the joint belongs to a Mr. ________ (he had apparently seen the name on the board as he entered, he’s brilliant)

He goes, “Yeah he’s my partner” (he was close to shivering)
Me: “Fine… thanks guess I got to make my calls now”

Anyways, I’ve spoken to Mr. ________ (a very polite man… let’s be fair) since then and have gathered that he’s the single owner of the franchise and has no partners (that’s how he puts it). He’s told me he’s going to go to the main joint personally and find out what went wrong and all that jazz.
He’s going to return my cell and I’ve got myself a new one in the meanwhile.

I might be sending parts of this post with other details to the Nokia guys as well to help them keep tabs on their dealers

I’m going to send the old one home and get it checked by folks who wouldn’t have problems with the owner being where I am from. Yeah they would have a problem with people from other towns there as well.

We’re in a real pathetic country with these slimy louts getting cheap sadistic thrills out of irritating outsiders. What patriotism if we can’t stand people from our own country? It’s the same people who buy flags, paint themselves etc on Independence Day? How many of them even remember it as of today (same month, we’re still in August).

I’m proud I do, albeit in a cheap, defensive, complaining, antagonized sort of a way. I do remember Independence Day.

It’s a damn long post, I agree, but I had to lay the facts down before you all as they were.

- Komodo Dragon