Lots of Time, Nothing to Do, Cash in hand

Blissful state to be in? yeah probably, but then you know how it’s with everything, you got some you want more, also the usual old man’s comment on the rising prices et al. In short, I want to make some extra moolah using whatever it is that I already have. I’ve thought out a few ways as well:

1) Become the Pune mayor, threaten to quit if the roads don’t improve in 4 days time. Charge 100 per interview during those 4 days and 25K per interview after that.
2) Make Ganguly/Himesh/Salman the next Indian drag-flick (that’s a hockey term, if in case you got ideas) specialist and shoot him in the butt and claim it was an accident. (this won’t give you moolah, but should be worth a try anyways)
3) Tell the newspapers that you saw Amitabh Bachchan in a pink suit.
4) Place a bet with a friend, collect 10 bucks from friend every time the vegetable vendor in the market place scratches himself, promise to pay a 100 bucks if he (vendor) doesn’t scratch himself for a whole half hour.
5) Place the same bet with many friends.
6) Open a ‘Hygiene Oriented’ vegetable stall in the same market place.
7) Get Karan Johar to man the vegetable stall.
8) Tell the press that you’re happy to do art movies.
9) (a little difficult) Collect all the water being sprayed in Delhi and sell it in Gujarat at exorbitant rates.
10) Organize a party, invite Amrita Arora.
11) Get hold of a girl you know who’s willing to flash a smile for no relevant reason. Go on a ride to the PM’s residence.
12) Call yourself a Pakistani and enter any Indian reality show.
13) Hire a few thugs and beat the crap out of the real estate agents all over town. Now start your own agency and charge the same rate.
14) This one’s a bit of social service too: Kill himesh, chuck him into a dry well and call the press. Tell them that he’s alive and you’re the first one to report it.
15) Tell the newspapers that you’re the new man in Karan Johar’s life and the romance flourished in the vegetable stall.
16) Shout “BOMB BOMB” in a Bombay local and get someone else to film the people charging out. Speak a few words about the spirit on Mumbai and send the video to the news channel that’s willing to pay the highest.
17) Killer: Get a shop anywhere in Pune, keep it open between 1300 hrs and 1600 hrs and also between 1930 hrs and 2015 hrs everyday.
18) Killer continued: Install secret cameras in the shop, and rent it out to the “makers” of MMS videos in the remaining hours.
19) Open a boutique that sells garments in all shades of pink (all the way to lavender). No other colors need be sold.
20) Go to a Pub, invite all the Floyd fans to a contest, charge everyone of them 10 bucks to take a peak at the question. Pay them a hundred if they get it right. Ask them something like What’s the next line after “Flash the red is wots...uh the deal”.
21) Wait a few months, pay some chemical freak give you some odd report, accuse the cola giants of selling pesticides, contraceptives etc in their bottles without paying the relevant taxes. Reopen the issue.
22) Tell a few new friends to keep the fact that the chief minister of J&K is your cousin a secret. Then deny it vehemently when asked about it.
23) Tell somebody that you’re tired of being an item girl.
24) Start up an astrology agency, Get in the revolutionary concept of 12 houses instead of the existing standard of 9 (People who don’t know about Indian astrology, get in touch with Narendra Hirwani, and while you’re at it, ask him for corrections in Sachin Tendulkar’s technique), tell your clients that the scientists have discovered 3 more planets and that changes everything, right?
Note: The idea for this one has been shamelessly lifted from ToI, Douglas Adams’ H2G2 Part V: Mostly Harmless and another blog.
25) Now this requires a bit of honesty: Charge the readers a 100 bucks if they went looking for the lyrics of ‘Obscured by clouds’, 200 bucks if they went looking for the lyrics of ‘Wots uh the deal’ and 300 bucks if they directly (again shamelessly) copy-pasted the part in point 20 which is in Bold-Italics on to google.com
26) Advice people who are about watch KANK not to do so.
27) Tell people that the water in the river Narmada is salty and that it has traded places with the Arabian sea.
28) Place an underfed cow next to a God’s statue, go about telling things like, “It shrunk, the milk was sucked out of it like it happened sometime last decade”.
29) Place bets on the number of Pakistanis Sunny Deol kills per movie. There’s a risk of losing here and also, you’ll have to tolerate quite a bit for a few measly bucks.

How about a small wager of our own? I’d say MAK Pataudi is a better hunter than Sallu. He’s got experience and a naturally shut eye going for him. What say?

- Komodo Dragon