Stupidity and punishment

‘A deep look into the mind of a moron’

I guess most of this one is our usual.
Like I’ve said before, the entire concept of equating bachelors to criminals when it comes to letting your house out or being forced to living somewhere in their vicinity by neighbors who let their houses out to bachelors kinda annoys me.

And everybody knows our take on stupidity anyway. Check AHAK’s review of TDH for a glimpse of that.

But then the part of this one which is not our usual is that, we’re not hitting out at stupidity that’s generally displayed by others, this is more a take on myself… in retrospect.

And yeah, the attitude was displayed in India and not here.

Guess I might as well get to the bloody incident rather than put u’ll to sleep with my descriptions of its haves and have-nots.

Before which, something you all don’t know (even the other 2 sharks), I’m married and have a son who’s 3 months old.

I live in this part of KL which is infested with a whole lot of Indians. It’s more like the designated Indian spot in KL. And we fellow countrymen carry our prejudices wherever we go. So most decent condos are for ‘families wonly la’.

Now my company arranges for my accommodation and are really nice folks in that they put in the extra effort to get me a good condo and not one of those tragic ones which are meant to be inhabited by folks who swam across from India and survive doing odd jobs here.

Let’s be fair here, “thank you company. honest”

Here’s the scene… we’re walking to the flat I’m supposed to sign the papers for and start living in, and I’m told that the story presented to the landlord had me as the chief character and a wife and kid.

Oh btw, that entire deal about me being married or being a dad is a lie.
My word you all have a short term memory, remember the aunt trying to get me married?

Now I’m terrible when it comes to acting off stage.

I’m a good actor on stage btw. Why I once played a tree in one of my college plays. It was a sterling performance I tell you. I moved the audience to tears when I kicked out at that nut that played Yudishtira (Kannada pronunciation) for landing on the tree too hard when he was only meant to sit there... slowly. The audience found it odd to have 2 legs wrapped in trousers suddenly replacing the trunk of a tree. Odder still was the upper segment of the tree staying in place. The real tear jerker being the tree suddenly administering the then just dethroned king of India a severe hiding on the rear side with its left leg. They (the audience that day) still believe deforestation in India had started a long time ago… way back.

Ok back to the topic, bad actor off stage!!!

We walk in to this house. Me all sweaty about the part I have to play.
The landlord starts off… “Hello Mr. Dragon, I’m #LL name# ” (and the rest of the formalities… I didn’t handle that part well).
A while later, he hands me the paper I’m supposed to sign on and says “here’s the agreement, why don’t we celebrate, come over for dinner.”

Me: Thank you sir, could we meet up some other day plz. Need to shift in today, might as well grab a bite somewhere close by. (it was around 9pm then)

LLord: Fine, we can meet in a hotel then, I’d like to introduce you to my wife.

Me: Thank you sir, really. But I don’t want to bother you, I’d hardly be around for 5 mins, need to shift…

LLord: Oh OK…

He then starts showing me around the house.

Me: isn’t this washing machine tap working (I meant the connecting valve, it was leaky)

LLord: (his face suddenly brightened up) YESSS!!!! I tried to set it all day, couldn’t. Only my wife knows how to go about it. I’ll call her and she’d come over and get it done right now. Or you’ll have to wait until tomorrow for the plumbers to turn up.

This is where I was real stupid. I said “Fine… if it isn’t a prob. Thanks”.

He was rejoicing. I didn’t seem to understand why until the LLady turned up. And when she did, it hit me with the full force of a Bombay local train hitting a brain dead clown (soon to be completely dead clown) who likes crossing tracks by running over them.

When you’re in a situation like this, she’s like a walking talking Murphy’s Law. Just walking and talking were still not bad enough, she talked a hell of a lot and everything she spoke was a question. She’s the kind who answers a question with another all day long if it’s her day.
And man, it WAS her day.

I won’t go into the gory details as it rattles my nerves to think about it. I’ll skip to the part where I finally got a bit intelligent.

After the initial banter (where I got grilled), LLord tells me he’s forgotten the screw driver downstairs and went to retrieve it (with a snigger).

So now it’s Murphy’s Law and me trying to do something about the damn valve.

Murphy’s Law: So Mr. Dragon what’s you wife’s name?

Me: glug glug… err hrmm Mrs. Dragon heh heh

She gave me a look that seemed drill through my eyes and tamper with the back of my skull. I resolved to cut down on pjs for the time being and thought up a name in no time. Phew.

ML: you have a… son or a daughter…

Me: Son

ML: (in Tamil... to herself. But loud) I thought they told me daughter. (then in english) you’re from Karnataka right?

Me: y…yeah.

ML: so u don’t know Tamil.

Me: No, hardly.

This is something I’m proud of. This was the point where I got a little smart.
(I understand Tamil quite well. Most Bangaloreans do)

ML: (to herself, in tamil, but loud enough) Let’s check the ego (in english) So, what’s your son’s name?

Me: #arbit name that began with the same alphabet as wife's name#

ML: (to herself) hmm he looks like a kid, is it possible that…

Me: Ma’am is there any laundry place around, she (referring to wife) might have a tough time, the baby’s clothes etc. (to myself) first bird: showing concern for the wife.

ML: Oh no no, i’ll fix this valve, it’s very simple really. Just need the screwdriver…

Me: (to myself) second bird: getting ML to get on with the work she’s here for. Heck.

ML: So you were telling me…

Me: (thoughtful frown) hmm this manual says… oh you were saying.

ML: no no tell me… what does the manual say?

Gave her a truck load of garbage till LLord turned up. And they got it done. Phew.

With all due respect, they seem real nice folk. But with my luck I’m not assuming too much here. And I have to also dream up excuses for my wife’s getting terribly delayed in coming here.

Things we have to do to live… wish me luck.

-KD